America’s Got Tsuris

Never in my life did I think I’d be admitting to this, but with the election turning as nasty as one of Alec Baldwin’s voicemail messages, and the stock market flip-flopping faster than John McCain’s positions, I, and probably many other Americans, are looking forward to the start of the fall television season.

How I long to settle into my easy chair in the evening and watch something besides the candidates bitch-slapping each other with the media gleefully egging them on, or news of yet another governmental bailout of an economic institution. And no, I’m not talking about another reality show (Although the former might make a pretty good one, or at least one rocking good episode of American Gladiators. The latter might make a good vehicle for Donald Trump.).

I’m talking about actual scripted entertainment. Something written by actual writers. Something with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Something that will make me laugh, and not just because it’s either that or cry.

I want Two and a Half Men back.I want the dilemma of which show we should record on the DVR on Thursday nights: Ugly Betty or Survivor. Heck, I’d settle for a heavy-handed episode of Boston Legal, just so I can have a break from the lunacy that passes for the selection of an American president. I’ll even give some of the new shows a shot, although from the previews, not too many of them look like they’re going to last very long.

Worst Week is probably only going to be on for a week, so that’s my candidate for the first new show to be canceled. Ripping off shows from the BBC proved a winner for The Office. But that’s not always the case. Coupling, while brilliantly fun across the pond, didn’t translate for a US audience, and Worst Week looks not as much like a BBC rip-off than a sitcom version of Ben Stiller’s Meet the Parents. Sitting through the movie was bad enough, so viewing a tiny version of it every week has little appeal. But I’m not much of a fan of what TV Guide’s Matt Rousch calls “painfully funny slapstick.” I can watch that any night on MSNBC.

Second one down – although this might be a rival for first – is the pathetic-looking sitcom Do Not Disturb. Fox has been promoting this show for so long I thought it was already airing, and I wondered just from the unfunny promos why it hadn’t been canceled yet. Not since Hot L. Baltimore (with Two And A Half Men's" Conchata Ferrell) and The Newhart Show have sitcoms set in the hospitality industry caught anyone’s fancy. And I doubt this one will either.

On the surface, Gary, Unmarried looks like it might be amusing, but it also looks like a copycat of so many other relationship comedies that have come and gone. I searched my brain for an example, but they all seem so totally forgettable - well, that’s kind my point, isn’t it?

As far as dramas, I know that remakes like The Sarah Connor Chronicles have been hits, but I don’t think the same magic is going to strike in Knight Rider. While its 1970s original might have caught a few hearts (at least among the teen set for the pre-Baywatch David Hasselhoff), I think this one’s going down in twisted aluminum and fire. The coolest special effects may put a few butts in the seats in a movie, but dragged out over a season, it might run out of gas.

Just so I don’t look totally snarky, there are some gems in this pile of gravel. One of them could be My Own Worst Enemy, starring Christian Slater as a mild-mannered gent with a dark side – someone who looks just like him is playing über spy in his off hours. The plot looks fascinating, and, well, there’s Christian Slater.

I’m also looking forward to Kath and Kim, which, although a remake from an Australian comedy (are we spotting a trend here?), looks pretty funny. It should stick around for a while, as it’s been nested in prime territory between My Name Is Earl and The Office.

From the previews, Fringe looks like a combination of The X-Files, Lost, and 24. It also looks like something that might give me nightmares, and I try to avoid shows like that. Day-to-day reality is enough of a nightmare. That’s why it’s called “escapism.”

Another BBC rip-off (sigh) is the sort of interesting-looking police drama, Life on Mars. If the time-traveling detective shtick hasn’t worn off yet, (think New Amsterdam) this one might be a hit. I hope this is not a trend started by last summer’s Swingtown, but the show features a soundtrack from the disco era, where Detective Sam Tyler has landed. Considering that the show co-stars Harvey Keitel, I might be able to overlook the soundtrack.

Look for actual real reviews of these shows and possibly others – if I get around to watching them – in the weeks to come. After all, I’m betting that even the worst sitcom is better than the best political bitch-slapping – unless that happens to be between Hillary and her husband.