At Least The Benefits Are Cool

As the last, nasty dregs of this brutal presidential campaign dribble from the political spout, I look at both of these candidates and think, “I’m glad I’m not one of them.”

Being President of the United States has to be just about the hardest job in the world (outside of, you know, brain surgeons and people like that). Especially now. Look what   you’d be walking into. An economic catastrophe, two wars, various other hotspots flaring up all around the globe, what is sure to be a very short honeymoon between you and the press, and whatever other assorted messes that George Bush will be leaving behind.

You couldn’t get me to take that oath, not in a million years. I’d make a really lousy president, anyway. What with saying what’s on my mind and all. And expecting my husband to pick china patterns and linen? Well, he is an artist, so he’d probably be better at it than a lot of other people.

And think of all the multitasking. You’ve got Putin on the phone over here, a bunch of school kids who came in for a photo op over there, a state dinner for some African president in a country that didn’t exist five years ago down the hall, not to mention all those lobbyists who keep trying to get in the door. And recent studies show that multitasking doesn’t really make us any more productive. So everybody gets about, oh, I’d estimate 30% of your attention? And supposedly, men are worse at multitasking than women. Something about that biological need to pick the wildebeest out of a bunch of brush so you can get a clear shot at it.

Perhaps a woman would be a better choice for the job. At least you’d know –  evolutionarily speaking (that means the other theory they are teaching in school, Governor Palin) – that she could handle more than one thing at a time.

But this woman ain’t throwing her hat into the ring, no way, no how, no McCain, no Palin. Not for all the dollars in Obama’s campaign war chest, not for all the “half-truths” Bush has told during the last eight years, not for all the times that John McCain has said “my friends” in the entire campaign season starting from the word “go.”

Nope. You’re not going to get me out on that campaign trail. Just try me – offer me the ownership of the New York Yankees. Write me into T. Boone Pickens will. Give me the equivalent of all the royalties of all of the Harry Potter books combined.

I’m not budging.

Just look what it does to you! Look at the pictures of Bill Clinton before he got into office compared to the ones after. He must’ve aged four years for every one that he spent in the White House (six for every one during the Lewinsky scandal).

It’s a good thing that Senator Obama is starting out so young. Imagine what McCain would look like at the end of his (I shudder at the very thought of this outcome) term. It’s not a pretty sight.

 At the very least, I hope the job comes with dental.