Would You Bury Grandpa at Home?

No, I'm not talking about that “Arsenic and Old Lace” kind of burial. I'm talking about a recent spike in the popularity of home burials. With a lousy economy making just the mortgage payments a financial stretch for some, many families are at an even greater loss for funeral expenses when a loved one dies.

According to an article in today's New York Times, the number of home funerals has skyrocketed over the last five years. The average American funeral, including funeral home expenses, coffin and burial plot is about $6000. Burial at home could run about $300-$600, depending on the type of coffin (many people choose pine, and some handy and intrepid individuals make their own) or if cremation or a cemetery burial is desired.

Home burials aren’t just about the savings, for some families. Allowing themselves to become physically involved in a process that is often handled by strangers and in some cases, doesn’t even allow loved ones to see the body, (let alone spend a last few tender moments saying goodbye), has given them emotional relief during what could be a traumatizing, dehumanizing event.

One family interviewed for the Times article, the Roes, who live in New Hampshire, was able to spend more time with their 92-year-old family patriarch Nathaniel Roe, prepare and dress him themselves, and lay him out in his own bed for viewing. Family members said their final goodbyes privately, without the indignities and intrusions often suffered in ICU units or funeral homes.

“It just seemed like the natural, loving way to do things,” said Jennifer Roe-Ward, Mr. Roe’s granddaughter. “It let him have his dignity.”

Unfortunately, where there are trends, there are people looking to take advantage (errr….help) those in need. If you desire a home burial for a loved one but feel uneasy about navigating those waters, you can hire a “death midwife” who, for a fee from a couple hundred to a few thousand dollars, will help you through the process.

And also, where there are trends, especially those that cut out the services of large and well-represented organizations like funeral homes, there are politicians seeking to regulate and restrict the practices.

I'm all for home burials, if the family is okay with it and the proper permits are acquired, but because it can be a wonderful emotional release for families to help them to deal with their grief without the intrusion of our usual institutions. I might want one for myself, if, when the time comes, I’m not living in a state that forbids it. I think it’s important for people to experience life events literally from cradle to grave. It could help demystify and take the fear out of death.

But I'm a little squeamish about what one family in the article did, which was make their coffins in advance and keep them in the house as furniture until required. Ginny Landry, a quilt maker in Maine, uses her future coffin to display her wares. She said that it once was in her bedroom, but her husband made her move it to a guest room because it creeped him out and reminded him of her future demise. Can't say that I blame him. I think I’d keep mine in the garage. Or make it into something like this.

What about you? Would you consider a home burial for a loved one? For yourself?